Episode 20: March 3, 2019
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YOU VIOLATED THE LAW!!!
Although most people are happy with the laws as they are now, many politicians, such as Jordan Cabula and Reeling Tur'tll suggest that 2019 new laws should be added to the 2019 edition of the Guiness Book of Pop Stahh Laws. Examples of these laws are Car Jaywalking (inappropriately crossing the street via a vehicle) and Sandsocking (the wearing of socks and sandals at the same time in public).
written by Apple the Cat
ANNOUNMENT BY SHEF KERBI
A few days ago, our team decided to start crediting who wrote the news articles again, which was a practise we used to do in the very first newsletters. More information along with your feedback will be shown in the Opionion column
Schools all across Dreem Lend have sent various complaints to the National Kreikeo Assembly for raining on the one week where everybody decided to schedule their athletics carnival.
written by Zeke Teddy
NEW 2019 PARASITUS NEWS
Professor Gourd-oh has discovered that 2019 parasitus is, in most cases, caused by inhaled clock dust fumes that play twister on your lungs, nose, and calendar, and can be prevented by calling a good clock cleaner, such as Keynsun DDDO, to clean your clocks for only $19.99 per clock, plus $1 if you call now!
written by Apple the Cat
officers brutally killed to death by bon starbuckle impostor!!!
A few officers and a hostage negotiator were killed to death this evening by a Bon Starbuckle imposter. "THIS IS CLEARLY [AN IMPOSTOR OF BON STARBUCKLE] WITH A GREEN HA[T!!!!!]", said the hostage negotiator moments before getting deathed by the aforementioned imposter. Shef Kerbi's team is currently tracking down the impostor, and not the police, because they're all dead. Find out more in the next edition of SKNN!
written by Apple the Cat
Now I don't wanna give my own opionion but...
OPIONION WITH SHEF KERBI AND BON STARBUCKLE
So we told you Shef Kerbi News Network fans on our Scratch page that you could post anything with the #SKNN hashtag and you could end up in our paper! In this episode, we'll respond to some of your feedback with the new SKNN format, as well as show some of your cool stuff!
"that crossword was too hard can you do an easier one this time?"
Because you are verified, that means that your opionion is automatically valid. I'll get Apple to make the next one easier.
"Hi, I'm one of the players for SDream KLand NSoccer NTeam and that's honestly a really genius name. I can rep that when we play our first game of competitive, what sport are we playing again?"
Thank you, and I believe the sport is called ｆｏｏｔｂａｌｌ
TSM_Liquid_FaZe_Ninja, a regular here on the column, wrote:
"Hey guys The Great Cave Offensive: Battle Royale is in Season 26 now! What's your opionion on the update"
I'd say Season 26 is a good update, although they did nerf the Wing copy ability, probably because it was exploited a lot by stream snipers (all of those reports about stream sniping came from you btw). The golden electric spear is probably gonan be really OP though because they buffed the damage from 116 per shot to 120. I imagine a lot of the strats used in the high kill games will use the electric spear. I also wish they'd fix the Sleep ability because that's been OP since Season 19, and it's getting a bit ridiculous. Overall though, it's a nice update, with the revisions to the map and balancing and everything
Some of our viewers have decided to submit some images as well. User taxpayer1969 sent in this picture through the fax:
MikalVsauce sent in this image from one of my personal favorite websites, boneappletea:
If you would like to submit your own opionion, just go to our social media, on Twitter, Instagram or Scratch. But prefably Scratch because that's what everyone uses
Ask Bon And Bon's Cat I'm Just Gonna Stop Numbering These
Dear Bon, Is life pointless? Existential Emma
the only thing pointless around here is your bad attitude, emma. go outside and read a bike. or ride a book.
Dear Bon, can you do an improv Gornfeld strip for me? Sincerely, a Gornfeld fan
sure kiddo. here ya goes
jon broke his ds again
written by Apple The Cat
Candy Sadness by Apple
CROSSWORD ANSWER TIME
Nothing much at the moment, however the SDreem KLand NSoccer NTeam is doing well.
with Zeke Teddy
Today it's raining stay inside like you know you want to, max of 14 and min of 6
Tomorrow... it's still raining. max 12, min 5
THANK YOU FOR WATCH. PLEASE TUN E IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE NESW
Shef Kerbi News Network follows the guidelines and conventions set by the 1984 High Quality News Act of Dreem Lend, which states that any news published is to be of a high quality, is to remain unbiased and to show all sides of a news report, does not attack anyone, and protects the privacy of people whose identities don't want to be revealed.
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