Episode 31: September 14th, 2019

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"wow javascript is so cool here's a random number generator gotem"
$5.00 | ~8 ghost dollars | ⭐25 coins
Does not include potential cost from surprise mechanics (they're not lootboxes so it's not illegal!!!), purchases from Shef Kerbi's Apparel or preordering the Special Edition


written by Shef Kerbi

This is the last article that will be written during Season 3 of Shef Werld as the SKNN team and everyone else prepares for Season 4 of Shef Werld to begin. Due to some scheduling, you may not see this article until Season 4 comes out, but we hope the best for SKNN and Shef Werld going forward. The 1st Anniversary News Report is coming soon.

written by CrazeePi's Disembodied Voice

Recently, with the addition of Thanos Cat in Minecraft, Thanos Jr, owner of Satte Farm (NOT STATE FARM), has announced that he will be collaborating with Mojang in order to add Satte Farm insurance to the game. Currently, he is providing insurance for Thanos Cats, Creepers, and Endermen. This means that all Thanos Cats, Creepers, and Endermen will get compensation if attacked by a player.

DARKEY KONG EXPLODES THE WORLD (wait that's not until like 10 issues later)
written by Apple the Cat

Donkey Kong's evil twin that is actually brighter than him, Darkey Kong, was seen destroying random buildings in UDreem RLend √Town. Apparently, he was looking for more counters. Some people believe he is trying to build a calculator.

written by Apple the Cat

The grand opening of the amazing sandwich building in the area of the intersection of Broadway and King Street in Burlington has been delayed due to unforeseen explosions, causing plenty of disappointment in the local sandwich enthusiast community. Sam Wich, a famous sandwich enthusiast and internet personality who runs a BlueTube channel known as "Sam "Sammy" Wich Whiches The Whichiest Sandwich in the Sand", talked about this in his latest video. Sam believes that a cheesy action movie was being recorded at the building. We will give you updates never probably

written by Carmes

Some tall human thing has been discovered in Waht Weafurz. It was seen eating Doritos, before running away. It has been called a 'Yeeti'. We think it looks like this:

(btw theres a secret stash of Sprite Cranberry under Waht Weafurz)

We are searching every part, cave and mountain of Waht Weafurz to find it again and get more information.

written by Apple the Cat

On August 29th, 2019, Apple the Cat, a reporter and cartoonist for SKNN, was found screaming like a girl on a park bench with his shoelaces tied to the armrest. When asked why he didn't simply untie his shoes from the bench, he explained that he didn't know how to untie his shoes. He was able to recall the full story. One day earlier, he had fallen asleep on the bench. Some witnesses claim to have seen him looking at a pirate ship. Upon waking up, his shoelaces were tied to the bench. Whether or not this is work of the mysterious vandal of Apple's house is unknown, but this narrows the search down to people with arms, or people with very versatile limbs. Due to this absence, the Candy Sadness strip for the August 29th issue of SKNN was missing. Yes, he really makes those comics the day before the issues are released.

WANTED: That Naughty Boy Who Steals Each Blade Of Grass And Replaces It With Wires And Batteries

In other news...
(that's right, the thing from issue 25 is now part of the thing from issue 26)
written by Apple the Cat

Some guy made a thing called "Comic Papyrus" by taking two of the world's most famous fonts, Comic Sans MS and Papyrus. He claims it will "coolify the world". People are investing all their beenz in it. The font is now out, and you can get it for yourself.

written by Zeke Teddy

Someone reported seeing a strange community of various witch-looking people out in the middle of Nutteh Nün. It is yet to be seen whether or not they actually magic anything. Maybe they're the cause of the crazy weather stuff. Anyway, it's been reported that there were normal witches, flying witches, green witches, sand witches, lights witches, and Breumhatta. The presence of Breumhatta kinda makes me doubt that they were actually witches, but who knows, maybe Breumhatta uses magic in their cleaning service.
More to come on this later but probably not jk

operated by CrazeePi's Disembodied Voice

by the The New News Generation Machien

Recently, an people all over have died due to eating beans and rice. People were eating rice for three straight months and then they started dying. This is the most shocking thing I have read so far. So, my question is, if people are dying due to eating beans and rice, why not eat beans and rice? This is the only logical approach.
Please, spread this article all over the globe and let's talk about beans.

by the The New News Generation Machien

Vampires zombie werewolves have starting appearing in Europe this past week.
This is happening because the French government decided to start "drone assassinations" of vampires, a term that originated, according to Wikipedia, in the 1930s.
The term "drone assassinations" refers to shooting humans, which is a fairly new technique. The British government, which recently used a similar technique to assassinate a man who had called out for help on a live radio program, did not create the term.
In a society that doesn't have rules on the use of deadly force, government officials have decided to do things like kill vampires so as not to cause problems for them or cause too many deaths. They can then use their knowledge and skills developed off the TV screen to kill a couple hundred thousand people or even more in a few days. They will probably not take action, as it would "create an unrest among the vampire population, creating an uncontrollable population."

by the The New News Generation Machien

Pizza has recently been found to be high in the food chain, to such an extent that at that point the question of where it came from, and even what it contains, will always be open to debate.

written by Carmes

Scientists at Red Computer Labs has discovered traces of clock dust in beans used to make rice and beans. (Somehow there are a lot of clocks in bean factories).
They also found out that people eating rice and beans get nose and lung cancer from smelling it, and throat and stomach cancer from eating it.
They advise you to not eat rice and beans until the clocks in the bean factories are cleaned by Keynsun DDDO.

Now I don't wanna give my own opionion but...


Clock with beans in it

So we told you Shef Kerbi News Network fans on our Scratch page that you could post anything with the #SKNN hashtag and you could end up in our paper! In this episode, we'll respond to some of your feedback with the new SKNN format, as well as show some of your cool stuff!

We began this issue's section with


"stal not best song in mOinCraft"

just because jschlatt don't like stal doesn't mean it's not the greatest music disk that has ever been existed in minecraf

YeetyMcYeet wrote:



The comment was attached with this image:

Not sure why you posted an image of Doritos - MLG died years ago.
Then again, I did recently consume the gamer juice, more formally known in the beverage community as "monté dew"

Due to the Shef Werld team being busy working on Season 4 of Shef Kerbi Apparel, we had closed the Opionion column early, which prevented us from choosing from a lot of posts.

If you would like to submit your own opionion for Shef Kerbi, just go to our social media, on Twitter, Instagram or Scratch.
But prefably Scratch because that's what everyone uses


written by Carmes

Dreemtronix has bought the company that makes Ghost Fones, in response to what someone working at the Ghost Electronics Store said:

Why do they only ship one Ghost Fone per electronics store?

They will mass-produce Ghost Fones (using special ghost machines), so there will be many at the Ghost Electronics Store. Because they cannot access the Ghost Mart, they hired some ghosts to take the Fones to the Ghost Mart by Ghost Trucks.
They are also making an update to Ghost Phone Too’s OS to support all of the current Dreemtonix emojis and adds other apps in their phones.
Also, ghosts can interact with mortals. They can just about see ghost objects (but they go can go through them, just like ghosts and mortal objects).

written by Carmes

Yesterday, the power at Dreem TV Studios, which provides random programs across Dreem Land, has suffered a power failure.
All programs that were meant to be broadcasted yesterday will be broadcasted tomorrow.
This was shown to most of Dreem Land during the downtime:

Although, this was shown on some old TVs that some random people still have:

There are two theories to what caused this:

  • Some random guy ate the power supply there
  • Thanos Cat snapped his paws, destroying loads of random stuff across Dreem Lend
    by Apple the Cat and Keynsun DDDO

    Candy Sadness #15

    Keynsun DDDO - Ghost Exchange Part 1

    written by Apple the Cat

    written by Zeke Teddy

    So today the weather will be pretty warm so that might be nice
    Tomorrow, still clear, still warm, still weather, still still.


    Shef Kerbi News Network follows the guidelines and conventions set by the 1984 High Quality News Act of Dreem Lend, which states that any news published is to be of a high quality, is to remain unbiased and to show all sides of a news report, does not attack anyone, and protects the privacy of people whose identities don't want to be revealed.

    If you would like to file a complaint regarding content use, please message SKNN through our Scratch account. We also have a Twitter and Instagram account if you prefer.

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