Episode 32: September 22th, 2019

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"Our news team has officially been able to confirm that there are 365 days in one year."
$5.00 | ~8 ghost dollars | ⭐25 coins
Does not include potential cost from surprise mechanics (they're not lootboxes so it's not illegal!!!), purchases from Shef Kerbi's Apparel or preordering the Special Edition



So guys, we did it. We reached a quarter of a million subscribers... It has been 1 whole year since Shef Kerbi News Network started up, back in September 22, 2018. Over the last year, Shef Kerbi, who had taken full control over the CatsUnited Scratch and TBGs accounts after they were abandoned in late 2016, has grown SKNN from a small startup news organisation to the biggest (and only) news network in Dreem Lend. Despite various difficulties, we've held on and managed to properly establish ourselves to Dreem Lend and the rest of Planett Popstah.

In comparison to other ventures from organisations associated with TBGchat, Shef Kerbi News Network has run for a long time with no possibility for a conclusion in sight (We've beaten CoPKMN in RP time!!). Another reason for the longevity of SKNN was it's integration into Shef Werld as one section of a site featuring a few other companies, and we thank Mr MemeoftheWeek and others who have helped establish Shef Werld as a major force in Dreem Lend for more than just news.

In celebration of the first anniversary of Shef Kerbi News Network, we have created an extra large news report, with some anniversary celebrations along with some never before seen comics.

Above: Mural featuring characters created by Carmes

Also, here's a friendly reminder that the SKNN Wiki exists for anyone interested in documenting SKNN and not have the sole source of it be from me.

written by Carmes

Tom Nook's old blue apron has been found in his hedge. We have no idea why he put it there.

written by Reali

Recently, hidden cameras in Shef Kerbi's office have discovered the he may occasionally say 'poyo' while alone. So far, we have found no significance in this word. (um no I don't)

APPLE'S TECHNOLOGY AND DESIGN CORNER: Episode 4 (that's right we've finally decided to include the one in bulletin #25)
written by Apple the Cat

Today, Ted gave a talk about how the HTML "plaintext" tag is the future of web design. The speech reportedly only lasted 5 minutes, because when Ted first said "plaintext", the entire building was rendered in plain text. The Dreem Lend government is trying to rescue people trapped inside of the building using scrolling "marquee" tags, but so far no progress has been made.

written by Apple the Cat

The host of the famous Dreem Lend game show "The Ultimately Unfair Game Show", Jeff Hostman, reportedly went insane today. His companion, , had this to say:


Jeff Hostman, however, could not be found for comment, as not once in the entire game show did it actually show what he looks like. If you know what Jeff Hostman looks like, please send an image or description in the opinion column. One thing is for sure, his show will be missed. All of his possessions, including his toaster with gold bars in it, are now being auctioned off on eBay.

written by Zeke Teddy

Let's Player Chooga A. Conroe has recently gone insane from playing version-exclusive content in a remake of the Superb Nontindo Enjoyment System game Mharle Trigger. He was last heard talking to himself, seemingly as different personalities, and complaining that "[he] can't eat your best wishes". Hopefully his mental state will go back to normal once he finishes the content.

written by Apple the Cat

Shef Werld Foods has just unveiled their new "Anniversary Edition" Kerb-Pops. These ones have the anniversary edition label because they've all been made to look as if they've been melting in some closet for a few months (which is close enough to a year). The ads also have a glacier in the background which makes them automatically cool.

epic gamer notice
written by Apple the Cat

Shef Kerbi Game Studios's most popular game, "Shef Kerbi in Apple Hour," has received a windows executable port, due to waning support for Adobe Flash by everyone. This version features redrawn clock graphics, altered Apple the Cat graphics, and a border! You can download it at Shef Kerbi Game Studios right now!
Speedruns of this version will be on the same speedrun.com page due to there being absolutely zero gameplay differences at all.

from Mexican Ghost Dad Studios

"We here at Mexican Ghost Dad Studios are pleased to announce we found enough money under other people's cushions to not be bankrupt. This means we can start producing excellent quality movies again. As such, we will be re-branding all future Mexican Ghost Dad movies as New Mexican Ghost Dad while keeping the old numbering. That is all, thank you for supporting us by letting us be in your newspaper."

Above: Mural featuring characters created by Apple the Cat for Candy Sadness

Now I don't wanna give my own opionion but...


Hey Shef Kerbi I saw that the Shef Werld Scratch Page changed their profile picture to Snivy let's get literally everyone to point that out lol

So we told you Shef Kerbi News Network fans on our Scratch page that you could post anything with the #SKNN hashtag and you could end up in our paper! In this episode, we'll respond to some of your feedback with the new SKNN format, as well as show some of your cool stuff!

We began this issue's section with

CatsUnited (Shef Werld Team)

"server is up again"
Original comment

And here were your responses:

An Anonymous user wrote:


"Dear Shefmart, why won't you accept exposure as currency?"

Well here's your exposure I guess.

If you're talking about radiation exposure on the other hand, that could potentially be a currency as the side effects of being near radiation could be translated into money, much like how some of those free premium currency things for mobile games let you get premium currency by watching ads or filling out surveys.
I'm not going to get into the ethics of this in case we get sued again.

One thing that seems to happen whenever we progress into a new Season of Shef Werld is that the profile picture to our Scratch page changes, and everyone comments about it on our page as a result. Here's just some of the comments we were sent in:


"Another icon change? Hail Snivy. I like it! How are you?"
Original comment


"Nice new pfp, looks great!"
Original comment

Zeke Teddy (Shef Werld Team)

Original comment


"I really like your new profile picture. I would go into why I like it, but I don't know anybody who would want to listen to that sort of thing."
Original comment
Show Replies
CatsUnited (Shef Werld Team)

"@dual_creator43 do it"
Original comment

"@CatsUnited It's mainly just because I feel like what Snivy is doing in the image goes well with its personality. (calm, laid-back, relaxed)"
Original comment


Original comment
Show Replies
Apple the Cat (Shef Werld Team)

"@Ryrie36 they get a new new one with every season of shef werld"
Original comment


"and i oop, nice new pfp OwO"
Original comment


Original comment

Um thanks.

liquidjamjar wrote:


"So what you do is you get a screw, a knife, a Pig Soop can, a hot glue gun and two Kerbpop sticks. Get the knife and cut the Pig Soop into long, sharp segments. Hot glue the Pig Soop pieces onto the Kerbpop sticks, then get one end of both of the Kerbpop sticks and put the screw through it. Now try using it to cut paper. This is why Shefmart should sell products like stationery first before selling vaccum cleaners and $1000 phones."

At Shef Kerbi News Network and other Shef Werld companies™™™, our goal is to make life hacks completely obsolete by providing literally anything you want. I thought that the 15 products on offer at Shefmart would be enough to satisfy everyone, but it appears not.

compman6510 wrote:


"Kids these days with their Lil Yachty or whatever they listen to. This is real music:"

I'm suprised that UMG or a similar music company hasn't copyright striked that video, since that's clearly not the original uploader of that song.

If you would like to submit your own opionion for Shef Kerbi, just go to our social media, on Twitter, Instagram or Scratch.
But prefably Scratch because that's what everyone uses


by John Gameman

recantly, srreem klend nsoccer nteam saids they are going to be clabrating with party but they cannot be celabating it is not johm gamenam profesonal game and man mans birthday? it is not anyones birthday too? john gameman professonal game an mand man did not get an inventaton how can it be a birthday? is it sdreem klend soccer nteams birthday and it did not invite john gamaman profesoanl game and man man? it must be becase john gameman profesonal game and man man beats them at awesom sport call of duty. john gameman is best at call of duty. also john gameman never bring presntes to other peoples partys but john gameman mom say john gameman profesonal game and man man is a present how thogh john gameman not in warps?????

by Apple the Cat and Keynsun DDDO

Candy Sadness #16

Keynsun DDDO - Anniversary

Above: Mural featuring characters created by Keynsun DDDO


from Fren Barrison, Keysun DDDO, Reali, Bon Starbuckle, Zachary Van Tyanzhong, Michael Comma
collated by Shef Kerbi

Sometimes, we create content that never makes it into SKNN. This can be due to various reasons, including but not limited to "quality control" and if the audience at the time would've been scared of it.
I think now is an appropriate time to show to the world some of the news and other stuff that never made it into the public beforehand.
DISCLAIMER: You may experience cringe/nostalgia if you are or were an SKNN employee. Also Fren Barrison never actually created any comics - he merely made an idea of it and made me (Shef Kerbi) to do the illustration.

Comic on a used Napkin
made September 28, 2018 by Fren Barrison

fren barrison has found a comic idea in a used napkin! He shares it with you:

some lameo: hey do u lift bro
me: *puts extremely tiny barbell on tip of tongue and does a rep* yeah dude
some lameo: omg

The Ghost Dino Origin Story
made September 30, 2018 by Keynsun DDDO

This isn't for the newspaper, this is just me causing drama.

written October 1, 2018 by Reali

Recently, it was discovered that one of the employees at Shef Kerbi and Co. News Network, Fren, has gone insane due to conflict with a fellow cartoonist. Witnesses say that he is currently having a swordfight with a straw version of a different employee. We will be looking out for more information.

Bon Starbuckle's Origin Story
made October 5, 2018 by Bon Starbuckle

fren barrison has been shot in an unrelated incident to his swordfight with straw!reali. the assailant has been reported to be wearing a green hat. straw!reali has decided to leave, his purpose fulfilled, and start an improv class down at the community center.

bon starbuckle would like to apply for the job of newspaper comic writer. as he walks into the office, he dumps a revolver in the trashcan and takes off his green hat.

This Ad
made November 27, 2018 by Zachary Van Tyanzhong/Michael Comma

We were also planning on publishing SKNN #13 for archival reasons, but it will be kept until a later date due to the difficulty of translating Wingdings (I made it an image too!)

written by Carmes

Random sites all over the internet (luckily not Shef Werld's) have been replaced with this awesome gif:

People believe that Thanos or Thanos Cat snapped half of the internet out of existence, replacing all deleted sites with the gif.

news about stuff or something
written by Apple the Cat

Professor Gourd-oh went on a very fun skiing vacation yesterday. He reportedly brought his pet guinea pig with him. In other news, Professor Gourd-oh, got ebola. His position in the ongoing research of what happens if you kill a ghost has been taken over by his assistant, Linda Muncher.

written by CrazeePi's Disembodied Voice and Apple the Cat

written by CrazeePi's Disembodied Voice

Draw a face for Shef Kerbi because I don't know how to draw Shef Kerbi's face without it looking really weird:

written by Apple the Cat

what five consecutive integers add up to one hundred

outsourced from Zeke Teddy

I had the brilliant idea of outsourcing my weather job to the New News Generation Machine, and here's what it gave me:

by the The New News Generation Machien

Today's weather will be good. And a good cold front will bring moisture to southern Ohio. The last one was a snow shower. In the last three winters, we had three to four inches in the last few days of February. And we also had a snow storm of about 16 inches. So, it's quite possible that we will have the forecast in February to remind you."

In a related note, Gail said there is one area of the country where she sees snow coming that would be "a surprise" to Ohioans, namely the Rocky Mountains.

So, is this the end of 2016?

A lot of questions in my head and in the minds of Ohioans. I thought I'd find out the latest forecast from the NWS for February, and I'm here to say that it's pretty good for us.

Let me put it this way. As the NWS predicted, in the last few days we've had the best snow in the last couple of years. So, this should be good.

So here's a breakdown:


Shef Kerbi News Network follows the guidelines and conventions set by the 1984 High Quality News Act of Dreem Lend, which states that any news published is to be of a high quality, is to remain unbiased and to show all sides of a news report, does not attack anyone, and protects the privacy of people whose identities don't want to be revealed.

If you would like to file a complaint regarding content use, please message SKNN through our Scratch account. We also have a Twitter and Instagram account if you prefer.

Shef Kerbi News Network respects the ancestors of Cappy Town, and understands that they are the reason why Dreem Lend exists.

Shef Kerbi News Network is proud to be a subsidiary of Shef Werld

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