January 28th, 2020
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"Happy new Keynsun DDDO's Clock Cleaning Service For Only $20.20 Minus 21 Cents Per Clock Cleaned Order Today, aka 2020!"
$5.00 | ~8 ghost dollars | ⭐25 coins
Does not include potential cost from surprise mechanics (they're not lootboxes so it's not illegal!!!), purchases from Shef Kerbi's Apparel or preordering the Special Edition
In case you haven't noticed already, we've done a redesign of the SKNN website to keep the site more up to date with the modern web designs as entailed in Apple's Technology and Design Corner while still keeping the personality of SKNN. We have added a dark mode for the site, which you can turn on or off with the sun/moon icon, we've redesigned the comics, activities, news and home page and we are planning to create a whole new "Opionion" page.
Pages for comic artists Keynsun DDDO, Carmes and Bane Starbuckle have been updated to a format similar to that of Candy Sadness and Reali's (also new) comic page for a better comic viewing experience. Activites that rely on images get their own dedicated page and news reports #40, #39 and #32 have also been given the new redesign with plans to eventually introduce this to all previous episodes.
The latest DLC fighter for Smesh the Ultimate, Blyeth, has the community quite angry. Half the community is angry because it's another Ice Crest character, while the other half is saying that he's actually got a very unique and interesting moveset. Here's an interview with people supporting each of these viewpoints:
Salty Fan: We have 7 other Ice Crest characters, shouldn't some other series be given more representation?
Zeke: And why do you think this character should be in Smesh?
Hype Fan: His moveset is really unique compared to most other characters, and it represents the character really well.
Salty Fan: He's still a swordfighter.
Hype Fan: He has a bunch of other weapons as well, and they're unique to his series.
Salty Fan: You could've done that with Steve.
Hype Fan: What?
Salty Fan: Put Steve in Smesh already, you cowards.
Hype Fan: Excuse me?
Salty Fan: STEVE FOR SMESH WHEN
Zeke: ...actually that'd be pretty cool
Hype Fan: That's a terrible idea.
Salty Fan: So was Blyeth!
Zeke: Uh, weren't we trying to have an interview here?
Hype Fan: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!11
Zeke: Wait why did you say "11" like that what
Salty Fan: NO YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!1!!!!$!$@!@*&^(!$%!!^!%@*^!%@!
Zeke: Uh, I think that's the end of this interview then.
Salty Fan and Hype Fan: NO, YOU'RE WRONG AND I'M RIGHT!!!!
Zeke: ...Well, uh, there you have it, I guess.
GREAT MOUNTAIN SNAIL DECLARES WAR ON IFVFFHREFERHF
Recently, the Great Mountain Snail, wise as he is, has migrated to Keyn DDDD's castle in order to declare war on Keyn DDDD's amazing assistant Ifvffhreferhf. "My name is Eskergom you loaded dummies!" The mighty Great Mountain Snail explains with dignity and pride, "First I get shop out of a shoptsos, and now I've been replaced?!" Personally, we find their reasoning of declaring war due to Ifvffhreferhf attempting to get a wildlife destroyer built on the great mountain thus destroying wildlife very noble, or as we put it in the Great Mountain Snail's own words on the dangers to wildlife that are caused by building wildlife destroyers, "Hey I thought I was supposed to get that wildlife destroyer built!"
We reached out to to Keyn DDDD, and he had this to say on the matter: "no im Keynsun DDDO," proving to us that he's the bad guy in a children's movie once again.
We will update this story as it continues to unfold.
APPLE'S TECHNOLOGY AND DESIGN CORNER: Episode 11
After the mass panic over the new Windows 10 security flaw which was estimated to have lead to approximately 10,000 @everyone pings across all of Discord, Microsoft decided to clear up any misconceptions about the announcement. Here's an excerpt from the QnA:
A: It's literally an automatic update you complete moron
Q: I heard something about someone hacking all Chromium based browsers, such as Google Chrome and Edge!
A: You should be using Firefox anyway
Q: How has social media responded to this mistake?
A: The reaction is strongly negative
Stay safe out there!
In other news, some nobody claiming they're going to "hack Discord" is totally a reason to ping everyone in every server you're in, and it's surprisingly easy to catfish people on Tinder with the name "Attractive Girl."
BREAKING (my heart) NEWS
A strange person has recently been confirmed to dislike the "Pokeyman Dungeons of Oddity" series, which has been factually and objectively confirmed to be the best series in the world, totally. We are looking into this person's motivations, why he dislikes it, and why they're apparently not roguelikes. More to come never.
Editor's Note: No formal studies have actually proven that Pokeyman Dungeons of Oddity is the best game series in the world.
The Dreem Lend Space Program has made an amazing discovery. Recently, an album by the name of "Apollo 18" has been observed orbiting Planet Popstah, and has reached the atmosphere and fallen to the ground earlier today. More news coming soon. Soon as in after you read this sentence. Turns out it was just from a test in which they threw the album into space in the hopes that it would reach aliens. Dr. Pherson Person had written "What?" on the case with black permanent marker for an unknown reason. Unfortunately, the album was lost in space. Dr. Pherson Person said "what" about its accidental misplacement. "How did we lose it in space? It wasn't even supposed to leave the planet."
The following advertisement may be concerning to some viewers. Carmes has confirmed that this is purely out of their own choice due to not being able to afford eating (or even walking apparently???):
Carmes Inc has just announced a new set of emojis: CarmesMoji. Although the company owns Dreemtronix, who have their own emoji set, they requested before the creation of Carmes Inc that their emoji set must not be used outside Dreemtronix. Every emoji will be designed professionally with MS Paint. Here are all announced emojis:
Bowl of Cereal without milk
The emojis will be drawn eventually.
A mysterious thief has been stealing headlines all over the planet as reporters wonder just where he will show up next. Here is an interview we performed with a customer at the Ghost Market who was one of the latest victims of the robber:
Apple: Oh, you're here.
Apple: So, what was your experience with the Unnamed Thief like?
Guy: Uh, he took, pretty much everything.
Apple: Anything of cultural significance?
Guy: Well, he took my phone, my compu-
Apple: How were you using Tinder without a phone?
Guy: Uh, yes. Anyway, as I was saying, he took the ice cre-
*Guy 2 runs in.*
Guy 2: Are you talking about the Unnamed Thief?
Apple: Huh? Uh, yea-
Guy 2: Oh yeah, yeah. He took my phone, he took my computer, he took my wallet, man! He took everything.
Guy 1: He also took the ice cream.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: Never mind?
Guy 2: Oh yeah, he did do that.
Guy 1: ...
Guy 2: ...
Apple: ...Uh, do you two have anything you want to tell the viewers at home?
Guy 1: YOU CAN'T CATCH ME, I'M THE GINGERBREAD MAN!
*Guy 1 unzips his suit, revealing himself as a small, humanoid gingerbread cookie, before running away.*
The Gingerbread Thief has since stolen the pretty cool sandwich building in the area of the intersection of Broadway and King Street in Burlington. The opening has been postponed until the builders can figure out that "over-exaggerate" is not a word. Police warn citizens to be on the lookout for animated gingerbread men.
CARMES INC ASSISTING SANDWICH SHOP
The sandwich shop in Burlington that is always being destroyed every single day is going to have assistance from Carmes. Inc in construction. They will install a forcefield around it to prevent anything from destroying it in any way, by preventing them from even entering the construction site. People will still be allowed inside the forcefield.
Recently, mass panic ensued after instead of celebrating the year 2020, everybody found out that they were actually celebrating 2021. Investigation found out that this was caused by local clock cleaner Keynsun DDDO, who accidentally cleaned somebody's paper year clock for 2020 so well that he wiped 2020 out of existence. "it happens more than you expect," Keynsun DDDO explains, "that's why there are only 2020 years right now." Keynsun DDDO quickly managed to replace 2020 after realizing his mistake with an entirely new year so that everyone may now wish each other a happy Keynsun DDDO's Clock Cleaning Service For Only $20.20 Minus 21 Cents Per Clock Cleaned Order Today, or "2020" for short as that's how much a clock cleaning costs.
nintendo releases new game
okay so I don't have a lot of details cuz my mom said I can't play on my switch today >:( but I heard nintendo has a new game out.
the game is called "mario 2: mario harder" and mario gets a lazer gun! wow! he can use it to be cool and epic. like past mario titles, you can run, jump, and kick things, but now you can also shoot cool lazers too! woah!
now I'm pretty sure that luigi is also there. my friend kyle says he has the game and that luigi gets a lightsaber! ohmygosh I'm so excited!!!
the evil villain is boweser, which is bowser's cousin. trust me, my friend kyle says his uncle works at nintendo and that's how he got the game. I said "no you don't" but he said "no he does for real" and he has a foil charizard card so I don't think he's lying.
can't wait for the game to come out! I can't tell you guys much cuz otherwise nitnendo will cancel the game and fire kyle's uncle, but it's supposed to come out next year!
ALL MISSING PEOPLE FOUND
Everyone who disappeared recently has been found trapped in the volcano 'Mount Ebbot'. They were all rescued before the volcano erupted, but only the nearby Earthquake Museum was destroyed. No evacuation was needed.
Now I don't wanna give my own opionion but...
OPIONION WITH SHEF KERBI
: Normal Shef Kerbi
: ｋｅｒｂｉ ｗｉｔｈ ｈａｔ
NOTE: Since we've done a recent redesign of the site, we're planning to introduce a new dedicated opionion page for the site! The page will contain an archive of all the opionions featured on this show since it's beginning. The feature is not ready yet, but we plan to have it working for issue #41.
So we told you Shef Kerbi News Network fans on our Scratch page that you could post anything with the #SKNN hashtag and you could end up in our paper! In this episode, we'll not respond to your feedback of the new layout we've literally been copy pasting that since episode #20 XD. Also we plan on still showing some cool stuff though.
We began this issue's section with
And here were your responses:
Purple Eagle wrote:
Fun Fact: I knew someone whose brain froze during a worp star driving test. Had to reboot it mid flight. No one noticed though, lucky.
Carmes has assured me multiple times that these cows literally have nothing to live for (apparently they're too poor to walk even though walking is free?) and that if those cows were to be freed, it'd only be worse on them.
However, seeing as they're animal activists, I don't think they'd care about that sort of explanation. An interview with one of these Cow-Fil-A cows would be helpful.
We've heard very good reviews about Tenten and how it's going to kill Pokeyman but even if it does kill Pokeyman, I know Zeke will still be playing the Dungeon of Oddity series (unless tenten decides to make a roguelike).
If you would like to submit your own opionion for Shef Kerbi, just go to our social media, on Twitter, Instagram or Scartch.
But prefably Scratch because that's what everyone uses
NINTENDO IS LISTENING TO SKNN??
As some of you readers may remember from back in issue #25, we compiled a list of the characters we wanted the most in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Many readers were pleased with these suggestions. Many readers were screaming at us, because hey, it's the Smash fanbase. But one response we did not expect was from Nintendo!
Just last week, Byleth from Fire Emblem: Three Houses was announced as the final character in Volume 1 of the Fighters Pass! So this basically confirms that Nintendo is epically reading our suggestions, and will add new characters, "like Bulbasaur." We are expecting Dark Gary (from Nintendo Week) to be announced soon. If you have any good ideas for characters to add to SSBU, write in to our opinion column.
COW SUBWAY OPENED
A secret subway only cows can access has opened in Grean Geans. It was built to allow cows to visit other field. Carmes Inc built it at the request of Crazee Pi's Disembodies Voice, although cows who cannot afford anything, not even walking, cannot use it and have no choice but to donate themselves to Cow-Fil-A, a new burger resturaunt.
by Apple the Cat and Reali
Candy Sadness #23
Reali's Comic: The First Dual Site
by Apple the Cat
weather i guess
Today, it's a max of -3 and a min of -9. Bit cold.
Tomorrow it's max 1, and min of -11. Still kinda cold
THANK YOU FOR WATCH. PLEASE TUN E IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE NESW
Shef Kerbi News Network follows the guidelines and conventions set by the 1984 High Quality News Act of Dreem Lend, which states that any news published is to be of a high quality, is to remain unbiased and to show all sides of a news report, does not attack anyone, and protects the privacy of people whose identities don't want to be revealed.
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